Another Tui Billboard Concept.

Christchurch is a safe city. Yeah right.

For the record this is the 12th murder in Canterbury since the beginning of last year. It'll be interesting to see how his worship the Mayor, Garry Moore, reacts to all of this. Just last week he gave a local talkback host a real rocket when challenged over his opinion that Canterbury had adequate police resources. That might be what the District Commander is telling him but what I've heard from CIB detectives is that they're right at the limit and having to defer other investigations while all these homicide investigations are ongoing.

Know Your City Councillor. Part 2.

Sally “my sister was once Mayor” Buck.
Fendalton/Waimairi Ward.

Says little, has achieved even less. Possibly the only reason she made it onto the Council is due to her charismatic (and non speech impediment impaired) sister Vicki Buck who was a popular and well respected Mayor of Christchurch between 1989 and 1998.

To be fair Councillor Buck may be one of those quiet behind the scenes achievers, it’s just damn hard to find out what, if anything, of significance she’s actually done (apart from being a Garry Moore lapdog)



Bob “just say no” Shearing.
Riccarton/Wigram Ward.

I’m not going to say much about Councillor Shearing at this stage as he’s just seven months into his first term and it’d be unfair to pass judgement on him this early. So far he’s been prominent on two issues, namely boyracers and herbal high outlets. He wants to crack down on both of them and has tried to get changes made to the Summit Road to deal with the former, and a wants a by-law to handle the latter. He appears to be very much a traditional conservative “law and order” style of politician.

Councillor Shearing has been working hand in glove a lot with Councillor Broughton as well. Their names were jointly signed to press releases regarding controls to rates rises and reinstating 52 annual rubbish bags for ratepayers. Both are members of the Independent Citizens grouping so the joint approach is not a surprise.

His website is crap too

Know Your City Councillor. Part 1.

Just out of sheer mischieviousness I've decide to write some profiles on Christchurch's City Councillors. I'll pop them up a couple at a time when I'm feeling exceptionally motivated. I suspect Mayor Garry Moore will get a post of his own so I'll cover him off last of all. Where possible I've linked to their respective party profiles as well. Just so you can have the political spin as well.


Helen “I don’t quite understand” Broughton
Riccarton/Wigram Ward.

It’s not unusual to see eyeballs roll, breaths inhaled, and muttered comments when Councillor Broughton opens her mouth at the Council table. For someone who’s a sitting councillor in her second term and previously a community board member since 1995, Councillor Broughton’s grasp on procedure, and reality, sometimes is woefully lacking. At last years annual plan deliberations she waited until after the final budget was settled before asking if alterations could be made to reduce rates increases. Somehow she’d forgotten, or had been unable to do, during the previous four months of annual plan deliberations.

This year she’s back at it in similar mode. Together with Councillor Bob Shearing she put forward a notice of motion requiring rate increases be kept to 2.7%. The attempt was lost. However there were at least three discretionary budget items that could have been challenged to reduce Council spending, but not a peep from Councillor Broughton or her fellow penny pinchers.

Councillor Broughton is noted for always asking questions, normally about matters, that if she’d bothered to read agenda papers, she should understand. It’s not uncommon for Mayor Garry Moore and Councillor Sue Wells to make scathing comments of her abilities during Council debates. One shouldn’t be too harsh on her though; at least she does seek advice when confused.

Her other claim to fame is her drink driving conviction. She picked this up a couple of years ago while member of a Council road traffic safety sub-committee. Irony is a marvellous thing.


Pat “some of by best constituents are Maori” Harrow.
Fendalton/Waimairi Ward.

Pat Harrow has about three political planks, analysis of which reveals quite a lot about the man. First and foremost; he’s a self proclaimed equalist when it comes to matter of race and culture, and totally opposed to any suggestions of there being special treatment for Maori, or Treaty of Waitangi obligations, in Local Government. This despite the requirements of the Local Government Act. One shudders from questioning whether Councillor Harrow may be the white middle class bigot he appears to be. It would be nice to know if he’s actually met a Maori though.

His second crusade is to introduce charges for out of town visitors to the City’s Museum and Art Gallery. He brings this little gem up every year, and every year he gets voted down. Councillor Harrow is nothing if not persistent.

Finally, his other main area of interest involves the ratio of native to exotic native plants used by the Council in its reserves work. Councillor Harrow supports English type exotics as being “more in keeping with the English heritage of Christchurch’s history”. Can we assume some of his favourite trees also include Rata and Kahikatea?

Police Porn

(here's hoping that title doesn't elicit too many hits from google searches looking for something salacious!!)

So 300+ officers of the NZ Police force have been busted for having porn in their emails ... so what?

Can we honestly be surprised at this? I think not. Face it, it's a bloke dominated occupation and blokes have always had a fascination with porn. Though from a purely chauvinistic, slightly voyeuristic perspective I'd just love to meet the 30 or 40 of the policewomen that have been nabbed in this investigation. They sound like the open-minded sort of ladies I've always wanted to meet. (Mind you given what some of our police get up to with truncheons that may not be such a good idea).

It's interesting to note that the volume of the offending emails took up 20 percent of the space available on the police email servers. I'm impressed, that's a lot of dirty pictures floating around in the electronic aether. Even the best efforts of my media class, back in journo' training days would have struggled to compete with that (Monday was "thank God it's porn day"). Our best efforts didn't even raise a blip with the Polytech's internet police. My suspicion here is that if an audit was done of any normal workplace the proliferation of such inappropriate images would be just as common. I base this on what I've seen on colleagues computers where I work.

One can only assume handing out speeding tickets, as our police are wont to do, creates a certain amount of stress which needs to be relieved, and this is the way some officers have chosen to do it. Next time I'm out driving I'm going to make sure I have a copy of Hustler or Penthouse in the glovebox, and if I get pulled over for speeding I'll just whip it out (the magazine you perverts!) and hand it over. That way the cop can get his jollies without the stress of having to write a ticket.

Of course my actions could be misconstrued as being a smartarse, comparing a cop to a sexual offender, in which case I'd probably get the truncheon treatment. To be safe I think I'll hang on to my glad mag's for the time being.

It Never Rains But It Pours.

Spare a thought for the Canterbury District Law Society. No sooner does the fall out from the disgrace of Graham Capill subside than it has to deal with another. Name suppression was today lifted on Christchurch lawyer Leuatea Peseta Iosefa. He'd been seeking to overturn an assault conviction imposed on him in the Christchurch District Court last month. The conviction brought with it a sentence of 150 hours community work and $2,000 worth of reparations which Iosefa had voluntarily offered.

The background to this whole messy business is as follows. In September last year Iosefa was confronted at his home by a debt collector who'd come to repossess a car on which a cheque payment had bounced. The debt collector had no written documentation and Iosefa had not been told by either his bank or the finance company that his cheque had been dishonored. As far as he knew the payment had been made and everything had been taken care of. It'd be fair to say a visit from a debt collector was the last thing he had expected. One thing led to another, tempers got frayed, and it ended up with Iosefa punching the debt collector in the face. According to evidence presented at the District Court hearing the blow splintered the man's eye socket and required surgery, however the only medical records presented are those of Christchurch Hospital's Emergency Department who treated the debt collector immediately after the fracas.

The police were then involved and Iosefa almost ended up getting diversion. Police withdrew it following a request from the complainant and proceedings then headed to the District Court. Iosefa pleaded guilty at the earliest opportunity and sought to be discharged without conviction. He cited his previous clean record, similar cases involving legal professionals, and his record of charity and community work to support his case. Judge Gary MacAskill was having none of it ruling that someone of Iosefa's position should have known better, he also told him revealing the debt collectors criminal history (which has been suppressed .... shame really as it's a doozy) did his case no favours. The end result was the conviction stood and Iosefa was saddled with 150 hours of community work. With Iosefa clearly intending an appeal name suppression was granted.

This week saw the appeal dealt with by Justice Randerson in the High Court. Iosefa was represented by Nigel Hampton QC who argued the consequences of the conviction far outweighed the gravity of the offence. He further alleged Judge MacAskill had exhibited a jaundiced view towards his client, hadn't paid appropriate attention to the mitigating factors, and had given undue weight to a letter written by the victim presented to the District Court on the day of the sentencing. Nigel Hampton said the impact of a conviction and lifting of name suppression could adversely affect Iosefa's practice, prevent him from practicing in the Pacific, and cost him his Samoan clientele. He asked if his client was being treated more sternly simply because of the fact that he was a lawyer.

This afternoon Justice Randerson confirmed the District Court Judge's ruling saying the conviction should stand and endorsed the District Court Judge's comments that Iosefa should have known better and shouldn't have done what he did.

On a personal note, Iosefa is a well respected lawyer and, from what I have observed, a genuinely nice bloke. It's a pity he got into such a situation where he lost his temper and his rag. It proves he's only human like the rest of us. However I believe Justice Randerson's decision is the right one. Lawyers should be held to account like the rest of us. They know the law so have even less excuse for breaking it. While it's unfortunate Iosefa's practice may suffer as a result of his name being publicised it's only fair his potential clients know the background of the person that may potentially represent them.



Oh and there's another local lawyer in Court next week. This one's on the receiving end of a Serious Fraud Office prosecution. I'll keep you posted.

The Mascot Rocked.

Living in Christchurch I normally don't get the opportunity to see that many NRL games. Once in a blue moon the Wests Tigers use the city as a home venue and last night was one of those times. So myself and a mate thought we'd take the chance to go along, put our rugby union prejudices aside and enjoy the show as they took on the Warriors. Here are a few post match obversations:

1) As a spectacle it's actually better than union as there are relatively few static periods of play (ie rucks, mauls, scrums etc). It's much more fast paced.

2) The Warriors still suck. They may have been sublime last week rattling up 40+ points against South Sydney, but they hardly even looked like breaking the Tiger's line last night.

3) It's interesting to note the Warriors can draw a bigger crowd in Christchurch than they can at home in Auckland. There were 18,000 people at Jade Stadium last night watching the came in a freezing wet southerly. I understand the Warriors have been drawing crowds of about 12-13,000 at Ericcson this season.

4) The Tiger's mascot was a bloody legend. Despite getting complete arseholes from the crowd (including the occasional beer bottle) he played them magnificently. Smoothly twirling his tail in the face of rampant abuse while pointing to the scoreboard to emphasise while the Tigers may be tossers, they were winning tossers.

5) Where was the Warriors mascot? More importantly where were the cheerleaders? How can a bloke got to a manly exhibition of contact sport and not get his fix of nubile nookie at halftime? Somebody stuffed up bigtime.

6) Finally don't wear light cotton pants to a winter game at Jade Stadium when there's a southerly downpour. All circulation is lost below the knees and your legs end up going a funny blue colour. Also don't, for any reason, get out of your seat for you will find it will rapidly fill with water and you'll end up with a frozen arse as well!

For the record the Wests Tigers beat the Warriors 24 - 6.

A Bad Week for God

The Pope may be at death's door but his impending demise is upstaged by the death of Terri Schiavo. Add to that the scandal surrounding former Christian Heritage Party Leader Graham Capill.

There's extra embarrassment for the Christchurch Police as they hired this morally upright citizen as their police prosecutor. The Canterbury District Law Society is also left red-faced as they'd only recently accepted Capill to the Bar. This means either they, or the NZ Law Society will now have to hold a disciplinary hearing and strike him off.

As an aside to this it's interesting to note the Christian Heritage Party removed all references to their former leader around the time of his first court appearance. It doesn't jibe with their claims today that the first they heard of the allegatins was when suppression was lifted (ie today).

Isn't fibbing a sin?

Lost and Found

This is a copy of a genuine police press release sent to the newsroom I work in. I can't resist posting it. By the by, the police never did say if the owner collected his misplaced "tools".


8 March 2004


Found in a school playground

Found in a Papanui school playground over the weekend (by an adult) in a
black and purple dynamic school bag:

Two leather cat o' nine tails
A leather paddle
Two speculum
Four mouse traps, (not baited)
A jar of Vaseline Intensive care lotion
Kebab skewers
Rubber gloves
A blow up vibrating dildo
A breast engorger
An anal bung
Several lengths of rope

If you think these items belong to you, you may collect them from
Papanui police who will hold them for one week.

Transgender or transsexual or transvestite?

This little gem turned up as a press release the other day, It's so off the wall I just had to post it here for you all. I wonder if the people in Whakatane know the connotations their town's name holds??

Dear friends in the media.

For some time now the NZ AIDS Foundation has been aware of media confusion around the terms used to describe people of differing gender identities. This has become particularly noticeable with the increased media focus on gender issues since the introduction of the Gender Identity Bill by MP Georgina Beyer.

The confusion we’ve observed includes assumptions that drag queens and transsexuals are the same thing, or that men and women who are changing/or have changed their physical gender must be homosexual. Recent reports on the Big Gay Out in Auckland, for example, referred to well known drag performers as transsexuals, which was factually incorrect.

Correct names and terms are important. They give people confidence in the media and add credibility to the report. More important, correct terminology avoids the risk of people feeling hurt or defamed by incorrect descriptions of their status, and can help protect the media from the risk of defamation suit. (For example, a cross dressing male who is heterosexual might object if he finds himself subject to a media story that assumes/implies he is homosexual).

To help media covering the issues that are likely to come about because of the Gender Identity Bill, and/or other issues where sexuality and gender identity are part of the mix, the New Zealand AIDS Foundation, after consultation with Georgina Beyer, Agender and other community and cultural representatives, has prepared the following guide to the use of gender identity terms.

We encourage you to circulate these among your reporting staff and make a commitment to getting the terminology right when reporting these issues.

With thanks for your attention.

Transgender or transsexual or transvestite?
An explanation of gender identity terms

PLEASE NOTE: Not everyone likes the use of “labels” nor does everyone choose to identify with one of the definitions below. Media are strongly recommended to check with the people they are interviewing as to the term (if any) that they prefer. We also ask that media not use gender identity terms when they are not relevant to the story, or simply to add to a story’s sensationalist appeal.

Transgender:
Traditionally used to describe someone physically changing their gender, but now increasingly seen as a broad umbrella term for anyone who falls outside of strictly male or female identities, either by identity (a gender label people give themselves, which is different to that at birth), behaviour (cross-dressers), by birth (such as hermaphrodites) or through the process of physical change (transsexuals). As a collective term it is often not accurate when applied to individuals.
Transgender people may be heterosexual, bisexual, intersexual or homosexual.

Transsexual (Tranny, MtF, FtM, Whakatane):
A person who has changed (or is in the process of changing) their gender because their personal gender identity (how they feel and think about themselves) is not the same as the physical gender characteristics they were born with.
The process of change will usually involve living permanently as the gender they identify with. A transsexual is also likely to undergo hormonal and surgical treatments to change their physical bodies to match their internal gender identity, a process often occurring over many years.
Sometimes shortened to FtM (female to male) or MtF (male to female).
Maori transsexuals may identify as Takataapui (an umbrella term for any Maori person who belongs to one of the non-heterosexual communities) and/or as Whakawahine (male to female). Sometimes Transgender people might describe themselves as “pre-op” or “post-op” to indicate whether their transition is at the prior to surgery stage or that surgical transformation has taken place.
Transsexual is a gender term, not an indication of sexual orientation. For example, a person who is physically male but self-identifies at their deepest level as female, might seek sexual contact with other men not because they identify as gay but because they see themselves as a woman having sex with a man (i.e. heterosexual) regardless of their physical characteristics.



Transvestite (TV, cross dresser, CD):
A person who dresses in the clothes of the opposite sex.
Transvestite tends to be seen as a psychological term and is dropping out of the common vernacular. Individuals usually prefer the term Cross-Dresser, sometimes shortened to CD. In general, Cross-Dressers usually only identify as being of the opposite sex while they are cross-dressed and cross dressing is usually an occasional behaviour - for recreational or self expression reasons or for the purposes of sexual fantasy.
Cross Dressing is not an indication of sexuality. Many straight (heterosexual) men, for instance, enjoy cross-dressing but remain wholly heterosexual in their identity and behaviour.

Drag Queens and Drag Kings:
While technically a form of cross-dressing, Drag Queens and Kings are a special category. Unlike Cross-Dressers or Transsexuals, Drag Queens and Kings rarely attempt to “pass” as the opposite sex; rather their appearance is deliberately unreal, over the top and exaggerated. The term is almost exclusively applied to performers and drag is, by its nature, theatrical and a form of entertainment. Drag Queens and Kings usually identify as the gender they were born with, not the gender they adopt for performance (for example they would rarely wear drag at home or on their own).
The tradition of Drag Queens and Kings is strongest in the gay male and lesbian communities, but doing drag is not exclusive to these communities. Many drag Queens/Kings (or female/male impersonators) do so for professional performance reasons and are heterosexual identifying in their “real” lives.

Fa’afafine:
Fa’afafine is traditional Samoan term meaning “to be like a woman.” The tradition has an extensive and ancient history; Fa’afafine have long been a respected and integrated part of Samoan communities. The tradition is also present, and has similar-sounding names, in many other Pacific cultures.
In modern New Zealand Fa’afafine has come to be an all-encompassing term that is inclusive of Samoan cross-dressers, drag queens, gay men, men who are simply effeminate, and any men who “have the spirit of women.”


Intersexual (intersexed, hermaphrodite):
People who are born with mixed or indeterminate sexual physiology. Genetically, hormonally and physically these people will often have traits of both male and female.
Medically, intersexed people have frequently been considered in need of “correction” and genders (including surgical changes) were imposed/ assigned while the person was still a baby, often with tragic results when the assigned gender failed to match the grown-up person’s own sense of themselves.
While this still happens, attitudes are changing. Increasing numbers of medical professionals now recommend that children born as intersexed be allowed to grow up unaltered and let them sort out their own identity. As adults, many intersexed people choose to continue to live as intersexed (or androgenous) rather than identify as a specific gender, and do not seek surgical “correction”.
Intersexed people exhibit the full range of sexual orientations.

Phew!

It appears the City Council is still doing its upgrade work on its wastewater plant. To be precise they appear to be relining one of the large settling ponds. For the past three or four days the miasma of poo has been hanging round the city like a ....ummm .... well like a bad smell. It's just been bad luck that we've had northeasterly sea breezes the whole week so everyone east of Bromley (90% of the city) have had to put up with the pong. And people complained about smoking in bars!! I'd give take that over this any day.

Other happenings.

The Pope was taken to hospital with the flu today. It's nervous time for the Catholics I guess. The best line I heard on it today was a news contact who said it's not a case of impending mortality for the Pontiff, more like a recall to head office.

The District Health Board is a step to axing most of its remaining community midwives (about a dozen of them) and handing the work over to the independents. Burwood and Christchurch Women's Hospitals are affected. It claims the service is under utilised and in deficit to the tune of 140 thousand dollars. The DHB has five years to cut 40 million dollars from its budget and is taking the line if it's costing them money and someone else can provide the same service then there's no point in retaining it. Opponents of the move (Royal College of Midwives, Labour MP Clayton Cosgrove, and a fair few independent midwives) say the only reason the midwifery service is losing money is because the DHB doesn't promote it. They're also adamant independent midwives won't be able to pick up the extra patients available if the service is disestablished. So far the DHB is likely to keep four midwives at Rangiora Hospital and has committed to keeping all its birthing units at all three hospitals. The full board will make a decision next Friday. I'll be very surprised if the DHB changes its plans on this one.

Finally the Christchurch City Council looks like ignoring the spirit of the Local Government Act. That's the one that encourages more openness and community involvement in local government ... you may have heard of it. It's floated the idea to at least one news agency that I know of that all future requests for information will incur a 25 dollar charge per half hour. This includes Official Information Act requests AND general calls made to check information. Now it's possible they may have been a little miffed at getting a lot of requests for information over the last year or so, some of which portrayed them in a less than flattering light (eg the huge golden handshake they had to pay to a former city manager, a bitter restructuring of senior management, a string or personal grievance cases, 300 thousand dollar bills to external lawyers and HR firms, etc, etc) and they're getting a little of their own back. Personally I think they're being a bit petty about the whole thing. Granted answering some of the requests may take some time, but isn't that what they pay their communications team for? Perhaps some of these $50,000 pa press release writers should do what they're paid for and communicate.

Have You Been Warned?

I'm posting this at the very real risk of being pilloried by cricket fans. Especially Australian ones. However in a fit of misdirected, and possibly masochistic, optimism I've decided to go ahead.

Over the past week the FICA World 11 have been in NZ involved in a charity cricket series raising funds for the tsunami victims in Asia. Their skipper was spin legend Shane Warne, a man who's achieved fame for his skill at the game but also notoriety for sending naughty text messages as well as serving a year long ban from the game for using a prohibited drug (diet pills provided by his mum no less!). Well it seems Warney may have got in to a spot of bother when he was in Christchurch last weekend. A very reliable source tipped off a national newsroom that Warne had been involved in an altercation outside the Merivale McDonalds at around three AM in the morning following a team dinner last weekend.

The source, (who most definitely won't be named) is adamant Warne had a bit of a dust-up outside the McDonalds restaurant. The local McDonalds spokesman confirmed cricketers had been in the premises on the night in question but is adamant none of their staff (many of whom are cricket fans) saw Shane Warne on the premises and there's no trace of any such incident on their security logs. The Papanui police were asked by a local reporter if any complaint had been laid. The officer spoken to pretty much sent them off with a flea in their ear accusing them of muckraking.

So did something happen or not? If it did, well it's not the sort of news that would surprise anyone given Warney's chequered past. McDonalds are confident nothing occurred, but then would they want the adverse publicity? The line from the Police is nothing happened, or at least if it did it's not worth bothering about. And while not wanting to demonise the Police they've been known to be economical with details on similar incidents in the past. Against all this we have a supposed eyewitness who won't go on the record with their allegations.

Much ado about nothing?

Fire

Christchurch's Cashel Chambers went up in smoke this week. 120 years of history gone in an afternoon of flames and excitement. It's a sad story really, and one that gets repeated on an all too frequent basis. A historic building becomes rundown, it needs refurbishment but the cost of doing it to meet heritage and planning standards are egregious. What happens? The building stands abandoned and derelict as its owner is unable to knock it down, but can't afford (or is unwilling) to restore it. Over time it becomes a hangout for the homeless, streetkids, and vandals. Then one day the inevitable happens ... it burns down. Sadly it happened just after deals had been reached to preserve parts of its facade. So the building that was the site of the first Farmers Co-operative is gone forever.

Fortunately in this case no-one died. Though it could have easily been different. There were people in the building when it caught fire and firefighters actually removed a few of them before the fire really took hold. However there were at least two people that were unaccounted for which had the police nervous for a while. Their problem was that the people involved go by nicknames and pseudonyms and aren't noted for being punctual and checking in with friends and family on a regular basis. Police weren't sure exactly who they might be looking for. However the Fire Service were fairly confident they'd got everyone out. Luckily they were proved to be right. I remember another fire in a derelict house on Ferry Road about 10 years ago that killed a number of streetkids. It wasn't something I wanted to be a witness to then, and I'm glad the experience wasn't repeated.

Police say it was an arson. Now the task is to find out who did it. The smart money at the moment suggests either the homeless people that were squatting there, or young kids who were vandalising the place. Betting odds are about even on this one.

How to Eat and Reduce Welfare Dependency

This one's for the Don.

Good on ya Dr Brash, your latest Orewa speech has inspired me to think long and hard about how we can beat this so called welfare dependency problem. I think I may have come up with a solution that'll beat both the welfare problem and poor nutrition in our social underclass.

I think we can take it as granted that if you are living below the poverty line there's a fair chance your diet may be somewhat lacking. Who lives below the poverty line? Well beneficiaries, obviously. What I'm suggesting is that we organise some sort of semi-random scheme where we split those on benefits into two categories. Let's call them diners and dinners. Those that are selected as diners are awarded a dinner. The concept being the diner eats the dinner thereby getting fed and reducing a welfare burden at the same time. Broadly speaking we could halve our problems overnight. But if we wanted to think a little smarter we could do even better. Instead of making a person eat one fat dole bludger, why not make them eat three skinny ones. Not only is it better for their health (just think of the cholesterol residing in the haunches of a 20 stone layabout who's studiously avoided paid employment for decades while subsisting on a diet of chips, cheap beer, and chocolate) but it makes an even bigger dent in the dole queue.

Now that's what I call a revolutionary approach to beating the dependency trap. Would you even consider going on a benefit if there was 50/50 chance you might end up being an entree for the person that's beside you in the dole queue?

I thought not.

In an off the topic aside; apparently the Whale Watch firm in Kaikoura has been having a hard time finding any ceteaceans since the Boxing day tsunamis. It seems the whales have disappeared! There's a very sick rumour doing the rounds that they've all headed off to Indonesia for a snack.

Another Naughty Athlete

More bad news for Cycling NZ today with a conviction handed down, and name suppression order lifted, on high profile cyclist Hayden Roulston.

Roulston, who signed a lucrative contract in September to ride for Lance Armstrong's Discovery Channel team, was convicted by Christchurch District Court Judge Bisphan on two counts of common assault. The incident occurred late at night in a inner city bar in Christchurch earlier this year. This was well before Roulston represented NZ at the Athens Olympics. A substantive hearing was held last Friday where evidence and for and against Roulston was submitted. A large part of his defence was that he was only peripherally involved in the assault and had been mistakenly identified as the main offender. In his ruling today Judge Bisphan found that on the balance of evidence presented he was confident Roulston was guilty of the charges brought against him.

Roulston was fined $400 dollars on both counts along with $260 court costs and a $150 witness fee. Sentencing was delayed for several hours as Judge Bisphan sought clarification on what impact a conviction would have on Roulston's international career. Police went to the US Embassy in Wellington which advised since the conviction was at the lowest order of the assault scale it would not compromise his visa chances. Though the truth of this will only be confirmed when Roulston makes his visa application. If he encounters troubles there may be scope for him to appeal his sentence as Judge Bisphan did indicate he did not want Roulston's punishment to be disproportionate to his offence.

So far there's no word from Cycling NZ on what disciplinary action, if any, it might take against Roulston. A statement may be issued tomorrow.

Hat-trick!

Here's a first for this blog. Three days and three posts!. You can blame this burst of creativity in the fact I've been off work all week with the flu. I had intended to go back today but the boss wouldn't let me. How nice is that? It's certainly never something that's happened to me in any of my previous workplaces. In fact the opposite was usually the case. You got a day off if you were lucky and even then had to put up with jibes about mental health days and veiled accusations that perhaps you weren't really ill and you were just slacking off. (Note to the people I used to work for at Carters; you were right, I was faking some of the time just to get out of that hellhole for the sake of my sanity). Anyway for the first time in my working career I've had four consecutive days off and it's been great. I've got the bug, and most of the mucus, out of my system and hopefully will be raring to go on Monday.

Right time to talk local issues again. It is supposed to be the point of this blog after all.

There's been another blow for local TV content with regional broadcaster CTV axing its news services as of Christmas. As someone who used to work at the station I have to admit I'm not surprised. The station's been through a succession of owners over the years and has lurched from one financial crisis to another. It's sort of been a an annual event for workers have arrived at the station of a morning to find both their program and their position no longer exist (Chris O'Malley knows what I'm talking about here). The station's current management claims they're now breaking even. But I'm a little suspicious of this as CTV's news operated in a stronger format several years ago when the station's financial state was parlous. Those were the days when Dennis Chapman (of Switchtec fame)owned it, when it was losing 60 to 100 thousand dollars a month. When the margins are slim the accountants immediately cut the most expensive arm of the business and that invariably means the newsroom. It's a real shame and not just for the people that work there. You see the strength, or advantage, of local TV is its news. It gives locals the chance to see stories they'd never see on the Aucklocentric One News and Three News bulletins. If it's removed then it's inevitable some of the audience will go with it. Programs like Marketplace, or Shopping With Jo, may be good moneyspinners but realistically who really enjoys watching them? Needless to say my commiserations go to the newsroom that closes as of Christmas.

The Adventure Air inquest has been dominating the past fortnight however I'm not going to dwell on it here just yet as I've not been covering the hearing. Anyway it's been pretty well covered in the papers. I have dug up some interesting information on the CAA director, John Jones, but I'll wait until the coroners findings are out before I'll elaborate further.

Canterbury had its first Seabed and Foreshore occupation today. A group calling itself Te Mangoroa occupied the New Brighton Pier this morning protesting the recently passed legislation. While I don't wish to be critical of the protesters, who're perfectly entitled to protest, I would like to make a salient point about their place of protest. If you're going to occupy a beach why would you choose New Brighton? Sumner would have made more sense (financially that is). Anyway only bout a dozen people turned up so it can't really be described as a groundswell movement.

The Christchurch City Council's sorted out its new payrates for its councillors and community board members. The hefty payrise is due to the recent downsizing of the Council. 12 members were cut at the last election after it was decided there were too many of them for the city. However the Higher Salaries Commission doesn't allocate council salaries on the basis of the number of elected members, but rather on the size of the city. This means the same amount of money is now being split among a smaller number of councillors. The contentious point is that the council's downsizing was sold by the Mayor and his supporters as a good move. Promises were made at the time the new political system would see extra powers and responsibilities devolved to community board members. This was a pretty significant promise as councillors have traditionally been very reluctant to let powers slip from their hands. Anyway the end result of the reforms has seen increased workloads for all parties and more money for councillors. What it hasn't done is see community board member payments go up and they're understandably a little annoyed about this. Doing more work for the same money isn't exactly a win win situation as far as they're concerned. Expect to see a few political tizzies as a result.

3PO

Given all the debate that's now brewing about raising the drinking age back to 20 this is kind of appropriate.

This is a story about the unfortunate circumstances that befell some old school friends of mine during their first year of flatting at Canterbury University. I guess everyone has a horror story or two of their own and this is probably one that'll strike a few chords with one or two of you. This was recounted to me by one of them and if the passing years mean this tale has become a little exaggerated then I apologise.

The year was 1991 and the senior year of Motueka High School, at least those with some degree of sentience and academic ambition, descended on Canterbury University like a rampaging horde. They hunted in packs and congregated everywhere, be it on or off campus. At parties they'd gather in in their dozens in riotous confusion. There was many a flat kitchen filled to capacity with the ubiquitous "Mot people" in varying states of disorder late of a Friday or Saturday night. It got to the stage when there were those at parties, who were not from Motueka, that would shrug in wearied resignation at their overwhelming presence and sigh; "Dear God, not more bloody Mot' people". Meanwhile the alcohol flowed, the teenagers puked, and all to the wistful notes of the Violent Femmes.

Moderation in drinking isn't the norm among the majority of University students and those from Motueka were no exception. Which is probably, no definitely, why the following event unravelled the way it did.

Nic', Ky' Rodney, and Maria decided to stage a party in their flat one weekend. As was the norm everyone from Motueka was invited along with sundry hangers on. One of those hangers on was Maria's cousin (who for reasons of discretion I shall not name). The party unfolded as those sort of events normally did. Heavy drinking, loud music, angry neighbours, the occasional casual vomit, and probably a fair bit of flirting. Unfortunately Maria's cousin went a little to far overboard with with the alcohol. He'd arrived with a full bottle of vodka which he proceeded to demolish in short order It had the result that you might expect in a 17 year old. First he got loud, then he got physical (not violent .... just all over the place), and then motor dysfunction set in.

The flatees first noticed a problem when Maria's cousin was spotted heading down the hallway with a box of soap-powder heading for her bedroom. He was discovered strewing said powder all through her bedroom, though mainly in the vicinity of her now very battered wardrobe. He'd mistaken it for the toilet and had pissed in it. The soap powder was his way of cleaning it up. Or as he phrased it "aw wuzzz tring to cleaagh urr fuck". His vodka intake had reduced his speech patterns to one long vowel movement. It had also affected his gastric areas as well and made its presence felt in a energetic bout of projectile vomiting. Fortunately most of this happened outside the flat. Once Maria's cousin's stomach was settled and he was cleaned up to a certain degree the consensus was he should be put to bed to sleep it off. This was done and then the party continued.

The partying wound down in the small hours with those who were staying the night choosing to crash in the lounge. So picture this, the house is dark and quiet but for a few drunken snores. Then Rodney hears someone open the hall door and walk in and lie down on the floor. Along with the person came an overwhelming stench and while Rodney admits to being drunk that night, he wasn't so drunk that he could sleep through that level of smell. So up he gets and turns on the light to find out what is going on and is greeted with a vision of absolute horror. There was Maria's cousin lying on the floor, semi-snuggling up to one of the female flatmates, and covered head to toe in shit. Activities got a little frenzied at that point as Rodney and a friend of his hurriedly tried to awake drunk and sleepy people before they accidentally rolled in something they'd later regret. This was made a little challenging as drunken sleepers normally don't like being roused, however they moved pretty damn quick once they saw what was lying next to them.

Maria's cousin was unceremoniously hauled off the floor by Rodney and his friends. Clad in rubber gloves and wearing teatowels over their faces to dull the smell they hauled the poo monster out side where he was stripped down and hosed off with the fire hose. His clothes, which no-one really wanted to touch, were gingerly consigned to the rubbish bin. Now you may think that things were bad enough at this stage but they got worse as the flatmates discovered just how he'd managed to get himself in such a state. Being a student flat it was definitely budget accommodation and it had the bathroom to match. As you walked into the bathroom the toilet was on the left and the shower was on the right. It seems the alcohol had so befuddled poor Maria's cousin's brains that in his drunken and desperate haste for a dump his sense of direction got confused and before he realised he was in the shower, not the toilet, it was too late. His dire state was further confounded that he obviously knew he was doing wrong and tried his utmost to salvage the situation by trying to capture the turd in mid-descent in one of the girl's shower caps. As you already may have guessed his equilibrium wasn't up to it and down he went in a sodden sewage ridden heap. There was shit everywhere, on the walls, on the floor, on the ceiling! That's not to mention the copious amount he managed to smear all over himself. The morning after saw the rubbergloves and teatowels out again and the most strenuous cleaning a student bathroom ever saw. Though to be fair it can't have been that good as there was a vicious rumour that later that year mushrooms were found growing happily in poo residue under the sill of the shower.

Naturally the cousin was told off in a big way but it pretty much fell on deaf ears as the vodka had removed his entire memory of the night. He was very irate at not being able to find his clothes convinced he'd been the victim of some sort of set-up and departed in a bit of a huff. For the very great fortune of that flat's residents and furnishings he never darkened its doors again.

Finally, for those who are curious as to what relevance the title 3PO has to this tale. Well it became the nickname Maria's cousin has been labeled with ever since. Piss, Puke, Poo - 3PO.

Tales from the Tours.

I'm going to go away from my usual style of writing about the latest happenings in Christchurch and instead post a little part of my history. The following story is all true. The mists of memory, and the necessity to protect the reputations of others means some of the names have been changed. In the early 1990's I spent two years working in Japan helping to manage a showjumping team for an obscenely rich businessmen. This is just one of many interesting interludes that I experienced.

Evey summer the showjumping team would go all around the country as a part of the national championship circuit. The team I was working with was pretty decent. The boss's son was one of the most naturally talented riders I have ever seen and has subsequently represented Japan at the Olmpics. Anyway there was a lot of money and prestige involved which is why the boss hired foreign workers, such as myself, to provide the expertise that the locals simply couldn't match. Our set up was two Japanese riders, one foreign rider (who was also coach to the two Japanese riders), myself , and two stable hands. Generally when we were at a show we'd have upwards of a dozen horses competing so it made for a lot of hard work. With competition running from nine in the morning to five in the afternoon I'd be starting my work day at four AM and finishing sometime around ten at night ..... as you can imagine it was pretty intense stuff.

The thing was that the foreign staff, like myself and our French riding instructor Andre, only got to get together with our other gaijin colleagues at these events, and when we did we made the most of it socially. So by the time you've worked a 16 hour day and then spent upwards of 16 hours of socialising it didn't leave a lot of time for sleep. This conundrum was fixed courtesy of some wonderful little pills, speed to be exact, which kept the motor running during the day and enabled us to do what had to be done to keep things running smoothly. Unfortunately after three or four days of competition, little or no sleep, and a headful of drugs our collective judgement tended to be a bit wanting. Which probably explains the really dumb things we got up to!

It was the end of a spring show in Sapporo, we'd done well, and had got well and truly trashed at the formal event afterwards. But because we were well and truly buzzing all the gaijin decided to carry on. Anton, the French riding instructor, was in his element as he'd come across a couple of fellow countrymen and he finally had people he could talk to with no language barriers (he spoke no English or Japanese and no-one could speak any French .... which left him in a very solitary predicament). Anyway Anton was in his element and in the mood to party, so he and his two French friends (Jean-Paul and Jacques), along with myself, an Aussie called Craig, and an Irish girl (Melanie) decided to hit the town. To be honest we sort of had to leave the official celebrations as Jacques had fucked his boss's wife in a toilet somewhere and all sorts of suspicions had been raised by those that had heard the noise of passion emanating from the aforementioned cubicle. So in the true French tradition Jacques decided a hasty retreat was called for and we all just sort of got dragged along.

We ended up at a little bar somewhere in the city. I don't recall what it was called, just that it was dark and had stunningly attractive bargirls (as most Japanese city bars do). It very soon became obvious to those of us of non-gallic persuasion that there are certain dangers in socialising with Frenchmen when they're in a pack. Now I'm no angel, and upon occasion my behavior towards women has been somewhat wanting, but I have never witnessed such a scene as I did that night. Their treatment of the bargirls was outrageous, demeaning, and despicable. Then their personal habits hit new lows. Instead of getting of their backsides to go to the toilet the trio decided they'd just flip out their willies and piss under the table. We discovered this when one of the bargirls discovered it wasn't a drink that had spilled, but it was Jean-Paul pissing on her leg. Needless to say we were unceremoniously kicked out.

So after a few casual car vandalisms and the occasional sidewalk urination later, it was back to the show venue and the acommodation that had been set aside for us. The night was still far from over. Anton and Jacques amused themselves by spitroasting some poor female Japanese groom while the rest of us continued drinking. it was about this stage the real trouble began. Fresh from his tag team episode with Anton and the Japanese groom Jacques decided he now had a fancy for Irish Melanie. A fancy he declared had to satisfied through mutual passion. Needless to say Melanie told him where to go in the way only an Irish girl can which left our Froggie friend in a very miffed state. The problem was Melanie had decided if she was going to bonk anyone it was going to be Jean-Paul, who she'd taken a fancy to (me and Craig were left right out .... Antipodean accents just don't work that well on foreign women). As it turned out it was not a wise move on her part as, while she was briefly out of the room, the spurned Jacques cooked up a nasty revenge plan with Jean-Paul. Their strategy was that Jean-Paul would go along with Melanie's advances, get her in a state of undress, and then take a heap of revealing photos of her which then could be used to humiliate her.

The plan was put into effect and off to a secluded room went Melanie, Jean-Paul, and the camera. The moment the door closed Jacques told the rest of us what was going on and we waited for the flash of the camera and the expected squeals of female rage.

Sometimes fate takes some funny twists.

On cue the camera flashed ..... silence. Then it flashed again ...... more silence. No angry feminine outcry whatsoever! There was a collective exchange of puzzled glances in the living room, then out strode a fully clothed and happily triumphant Melanie. We made a rush for the bedroom to see what possibly could have happened and were greeted by the sight of a naked Frenchman bent double, whimpering in pain, and clutching his gentitalia. It turned out Melanie had been onto their game from the start and made plans of her own. She got Jean-Paul into a state of arousal, using methods I'm almost positive aren't approved of by the Catholic faith, and when he was almost in a state of bliss she bit down hard on his fundamentals, grabbed the camera and had a Kodak moment or three.

French pride was battered, and Irish eyes were definitely smiling. Meanwhile two young Antipodean lads were left wondering if this was what people when people went on about the sophistication of European culture.

Shit of a Week.

Sometimes being a journalist you have those periods when all the stories you write seem to have a common thread, or seem to be on or vaguely connected to the same topic. Well this has been one of those weeks.

It started on Tuesday when I came across against an interesting technical development created by Agresearch. The scientists there have come up with a bolus (that's a big pill to you lay people) that can cut greenhouse gas emissions and soluble nitrate problems in dairy herds by 60 percent. That was followed on Wednesday by covering the farming sustainability study published by the Commissioner for the Environment, Dr Morgan Williams. In a nutshell it slams the increasing use of fertilisers and the effect intensive farming practices (eg dairy) are having on our waterways. Today I get a call from a friendly enforcement officer from Environment Canterbury who tells me about a spot check they did yesterday on waterways around the Lake Ellesmere Area to see if there was any "unauthorized effluent" (ie cow shit) in them.

You'd think that would be about as many cowshit stories as one person could cover in one week but I fear it's not over yet. I confidently predict that tomorrow the Department of Conservation, Ngai Tahu, and the North Canterbury Fish and Game Council will lodge an appeal in the Environment Court. Can you guess what it's about? I won't hold you in suspense. They're challenging resource consents granted last month to Corllea Cows Limited to dispose of effluent from a 750 dairy cow herd onto land adjacent to Lake Ellesmere!

And you thought you'd had a shit of a week.

Post Script (for the media nuts):
Tomorrow is the last day at TRN for Radio Sport host Martin Devlin. He's been picked up by Radioworks for a handsome sum. Expect to see him as the breakfast host on a rebranded Radio Pacific due to launced some time in the New year

The Sounds of Silence

If there's anyone reading these ramblings that I post then they've probably noticed I've not written much of late. Part of that is technical issues with the blog. For some reason the body of the posts were getting lost in the internet aether leaving just the title for your delectation. I may be a man of few words but headlines with no explanation is just a little too much. Even for me.

All of the big news of late has all been pretty depressing in this neck of the woods. Three really depressing coroners hearings (2 infant deaths and a case of a mother and son dying in their home. He died of illness and she starved to death because she was agoraphobic and couldn't leave the house), a really gruesome murder depositions hearing, and to cap it off mid-week was that awful training accident on Banks Peninsula that killed those two soldiers.

Death, death, and more death.

Christchurch Polytechnic remains very much over its Cool IT scheme. In essence CPIT found a way to manipulate the system to score 14 million dollars in funding by signing up thousands of people to a very tenuous course which required no tuition, all they had to to was get a computer CD. Apparently by getting it they would boost their computer skills, though how this could be checked remains a mystery.

Muddying the waters is the fact former city mayor Vicki Buck is both a director in the company that provided the software (Brylton), and is contracted to CPIT as well. She says she declared her interests but no-one's been able to find any record of it. Vicki Buck claims a recently released report vindicates her (even though it never examined her actions, nor addressed the conflict of interest issue) but I think she'll be a bit nervous about what the Auditor General says when his report is finished.

Nominations for the mayoralty have to be in by the end of next week. So far there's no major competition for the incumbent Garry Moore. However last time round the cat was put among the pigeons when ex-broadcaster George Balani entered at the very last moment, so nothing's being written off just yet.

We'll Fight Them on the Beaches.

It appears I spoke too soon about things petering out between the Christchurch City Council and the Government over the Seabed and Foreshore Bill. The Council may not want to pick a fight but there's a group of Government MPs who're more than happy to oblige.

Today 6 Government MPs based in Canterbury (Ruth Dyson, Clayton Cosgrove, Lianne Dalziel, Tim Barnett, Mahara Okeroa, and Jim Anderton) put out a joint statement rubbishing the processes used by the Council in making its submission. Anderton was particularly strident saying it was a bit rich the Council was puporting to present a submission representing its ratepayers when it hadn't even gone to them to seek their opinion. Woeful seems to be the theme of this tit-for-tat dispute as that's how these MPs are describing the Council's processes. They were also very aggrieved that Councilor Dennis O'Rourke had leaked a draft of the Council's submission passing it off as policy (yes he is politicking madly!) Dalziel believed the Council had gone beyond its original intent. Okeroa reckons their focus is too narrow. Dyson says the matter should have at least gone to the full Council, and Cosgrove is venting his spleen at O'Rourke (in his words "Dennis the menace O'Rourke).

It's an unusual response as for the life of me I can't recall anything like this happening in recent history. Ruth Dyson seems to accept that as well. To an outsider it looks like an attack on the Council and it'd be fair to say the Council will be seeing it as such. I understand the Mayor Garry Moore was a little surprised when he learnt of it and is considering it an over-reaction on the part of the MPs. It's certainly playing into the hands of the National Party which is already labeling it, through local government spokesman Nick Smith, as a case of a paranoid Government using strong arm tactics to get its own way. Needless to say this is something the MPs emphatically deny. Apparently, in the words of Clayton Cosgrove, it's not an attack its a democratic process. So following that argument it's democratic for Government MP's to criticise a local Government body for observing its legal right to comment on proposed legislation that impacts on its operations.

You see this is what the Council has been doing. According to Mayor Garry Moore at least 30 council land areas would pass into the hands of the state should the Seabed and Foreshore Bill be passed. They're imagining the can of worms that could eventuate over the city's planned ocean outfall wastewater pipeline. How would that be affected if the Bill became law?

Other issues are the ones raised by the MPs about the Council not consulting with the community and allowing a sub-committee to handle the submission without allowing it to go to the full Council for approval. I'll deal with the consultation point first. The Government proposes new legislation all the time and in many cases (where it affects Council business) the City Council will make a submission. Do these MPs seriously expect the Council to consult with the entire community every time the Government proposes a new law? When would anyone find the time to do anything if we got into a perpetual merry-go-round of consultation? With regard to the submission not going to the full Council for approval, well that's a decision the Councilors made when they voted to give the sub-committee delegated authority to make the submission. Due process seems to have been obeyed ... hasn't it?

All in all it's a little bizarre to see a liberal council with strong Labour Party ties get lambasted by 5 Labour and 1 Progressive MP. You would have thought they could have sorted their differences through back channels without letting it spill over into what appears to be a very public spat. However that doesn't appear to have been an option, as Helen Clark was aware of the actions of her MPs before they made the release and didn't stop them from proceeding. National's Nick Smith reckons it's a deliberate strategy on the part of the Government to attack anyone who criticises the policy. For this to happen to a Council that's traditionally been Labour friendly doesn't contradict his theory. It certainly can't do the Government any favours in pushing the seabed and foreshore Bill.