Tuesday, January 25, 2005

How to Eat and Reduce Welfare Dependency

This one's for the Don.

Good on ya Dr Brash, your latest Orewa speech has inspired me to think long and hard about how we can beat this so called welfare dependency problem. I think I may have come up with a solution that'll beat both the welfare problem and poor nutrition in our social underclass.

I think we can take it as granted that if you are living below the poverty line there's a fair chance your diet may be somewhat lacking. Who lives below the poverty line? Well beneficiaries, obviously. What I'm suggesting is that we organise some sort of semi-random scheme where we split those on benefits into two categories. Let's call them diners and dinners. Those that are selected as diners are awarded a dinner. The concept being the diner eats the dinner thereby getting fed and reducing a welfare burden at the same time. Broadly speaking we could halve our problems overnight. But if we wanted to think a little smarter we could do even better. Instead of making a person eat one fat dole bludger, why not make them eat three skinny ones. Not only is it better for their health (just think of the cholesterol residing in the haunches of a 20 stone layabout who's studiously avoided paid employment for decades while subsisting on a diet of chips, cheap beer, and chocolate) but it makes an even bigger dent in the dole queue.

Now that's what I call a revolutionary approach to beating the dependency trap. Would you even consider going on a benefit if there was 50/50 chance you might end up being an entree for the person that's beside you in the dole queue?

I thought not.

In an off the topic aside; apparently the Whale Watch firm in Kaikoura has been having a hard time finding any ceteaceans since the Boxing day tsunamis. It seems the whales have disappeared! There's a very sick rumour doing the rounds that they've all headed off to Indonesia for a snack.

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