Stupidity Is ....

Doing this ....



The weather Gods weren't smiling. Guess exactly where the wind decided to switch directions meaning I had a head-wind in both directions.

A Necessary Evil.

A couple of weeks ago in a fit of blind enthusiasm, with absolutely no hope of ultimate success, I decided this would be the year when I'd get back into doing the occasional cycle road race. Unfortunately such aspirations require exercise.

So instead of taking a well earned break I've been doing things like this.



And this ....



Plus this ...



Not to forget this ...



And lastly - and most stupidly - this...



My legs are stuffed and, to be honest, I really don't feel a hell of a lot fitter.

This exercise lark is a complete con!

Game Time

OK things are set to be very hectic over the next couple of months as I gallivant all over the country chasing politicians in the build up to the election.

Depending on how riveting it is (and if there's any decent goss') I may post on it from time to time. Though I suspect work commitments will be the over-riding priority.

It'll definitely mean no time for exercise which will be real bummer as Wellington's weather seems to have turned the corner. Today was just the perfect day to do this. Not a long ride, but has a couple of hefty hills, and I must be getting fit as for once I was actually overtaking people on the climbs.

Not bad for a dirty smoker.

Back in Training

Now that the disaster that was the cricket season is over (3 wins, 12 losses) I'm back on the bike again. I had been thinking about doing one of those 100 km events but on the basis of how I feel after today's effort there's no way in hell I could make the distance.

For your edification here is the route.



And here's the height profile.



65 km and I'm absolutely poked.

The Perfidy of Wellington's Wind

I've been in Wellington a little over a year and a half now and I'm still getting my head around the wind. Honestly I really should just recall what it was like the last time I've lived here - back when I was in high school two decades ago.

You see there's always wind in Wellington (though today was the exception to the rule) but it tends to come in only two directions; north and south. Most days it's either one way or the other.

Bad luck for me then yesterday when I did this ride.



When I left it was a gentle northerly. A bit of a nuisance but not that hard to push into and there's always the pleasant thought of having it behind you on the way home.

Can you guess when the wind changed to the south?? 5 km short of the Totara Park turn-around.

Bastard!

Tipping over the Edge

Here's another in the list of mountainbike trails that I've been posting here from time to time. Today's little number is the Tip Track. As you can tell from the picture it's a groovy little descent.



And you can even stop to admire the view on the way down.



Take it from me it's a track you want to always do in the downward direction. Biking up it would require a fortitude not found in mere mortals.

Though I understand there are some fitness freaks that can get to the top in under 30 minutes - not me though.

Hard Slog.

It's a rare weekend in Wellington that you are lucky enough to be blessed with two clear, calm, and sunny days. Luckily for me this has been one of those occasions. They're few and far between but they're bliss when they happen.

So as promised. Here's Deliverance.



This bit is at the top - note the gnarly tree rooty goodness. There's more of that all the way down. I would have taken more photos but I was too busy concentrating and staying on my bike. It's the sort of single trail that if you fall off it then you end up falling a very long way. Having a 40 metre tumble down a hill side was not high on my list of priorities.

Anyway after giving myself heart failure on Deliverance I decided it was time for some serious sifting. So after a little back trail negotiation I ended up at Hawkins Hill.



See what I mean about it being a glorious day!

Lead Me Not Into Temptation

Actually scrub that. You can grab me by the hand and lead me there, but just make sure there are mountainbikes involved.

I'll hope you'll excuse the rather oblique and inane references I'm making but I've just discovered another mountainbike trail up in Karori. And it happens to be called Temptation - hence the really bad pun.



It's a beaut' wee trail. Not difficult or technical but it flows really well and is possibly the easiest way to get up the dreaded Wrights Hill (word of advice - going up the road on a bike is a real drag).



And it has some surreal little glades, nooks, and crannies to take you by surprise as well.

In the next post (or thereabouts) I'll introduce you to Temptation's bigger, and slightly more intimidating, sister. Her name's Deliverance and she is aptly named.

On Top of the World

Occasionally, just every once in a while. Wellington will put on an absolute stunning day. Luckily today was one of those days and what better way to make the most of it than get lost on a mountainbike on the hills behind Maungaraki. This is the same place I was blathering about a few weeks ago .... however it really is a fantastic place to explore.

Seriously it's another world up there. No-one about but the occasional sheep and the odd (and I mean that literally as well as metaphorically) walker. Bliss, and all within 20 minutes of Wellington.

This is looking north-east towards the Rimutakas.



While this is the view to the north-west. Somewhere way up in the distance is Pauatahanui.

Any bets as to whther this is autumn's last gasp before the crap winter weather arrives.

No Respect

While many of my peers have been out and about today doing their patriotic duty at ANZAC Day commemorations I, as usual, have ignored it completely.

For those readers not of Antipodean origin ANZAC Day is a public holiday in NZ and Australia to remember those that have died fighting for their country. Originally it was more centred around World War One and the Gallipoli Campaign.

The official line is that Gallipoli was where New Zealand started to develop a sense of nationhood. Unfortunately in reality it was thousands of young men's lives being profligately thrown away by incompetent British Generals in a war that had little relevance to New Zealand. The bonds of mother England have a lot to answer for really.

Anyway instead of honouring the dead I wen mountainbiking in a new area I've just discovered - Belmont Forest Park.

I knew I was onto a good thing when I found this gem of a single trail winding its way out of a narrow wee valley.



While it's not exactly an easy incline to ride up it turned out to be pretty manageable. Getting to the top the track branched out onto a farm 4wd track and was pretty cruisy.

The view wasn't bad either.



You can't really see it too clearly in this picture, but that's actually Wellington off in the distance at the top centre. Lower Hutt would be off to the left out of sight (and bloody good riddance too!) over a ridgeline.

The farm roads go for absolutely miles. I spent a couple of hours trundling along ridgelines and dipping into hidden valleys and I've barely scratched the surface off the place.

Oh and in keeping with the whole ANZAC Day motif I took this shot especially for the occasion.


Those indistinct gray blodges to the upper right are actually old ammunition bunkers left over from World War Two. The place is riddled with them.

View From the Top

And that's why I love Makara.

Pity about the bone shattering descent though as I seem to have hurt my back. I'm now perambulating around the house like a gerontological disaster zone.

Oh and in light of my last post about the ER it seems the nurses are into the same sort of thing. Not quite as graphic but they do have their moments.

Here are a few examples:

From the disgusting.

Female caller asks- "Is dog semen harmful if swallowed?

To the purely foul.

Caller: Can you get STD's from a sheep?
Nurse: Excuse me (OMG did I really hear this right)
Caller: Can you get STD's from a sheep?
Nurse: I think that you should call the local vet!

And the truly bizarre.

When I worked in OB, I had someone call and she was masturbating to the answers that I was giving about breast-feeding questions - the situation didn't actually get weird and suspicious until she asked if I had ever breast-fed a baby - I currently had a 4 month old that I was nursing and, unfortunately, I was sort of punchy (it was 3 am and I didn't tolerate nights that well) and answered yes - the breathing got harder and faster and I could hear lots of rustling and such (it was actually a woman) and I said I was going to hang up and they said "No, not yet, I'm not there yet..." - I blurted out "What the heck are you doing?" - they managed to answer between pants "What do you think?" - then, I hung up.......

Y'know I'm truly glad I don't work in medicine.

On The Edge

I have no idea where this is, nor who these people are. However I'm not ashamed to say their balls are far bigger than mine.




I mean seriously ......



... they are ...



... fucking nuts!

Flying or Dying

Today I had my first experience of what is universally recognised as a classic NZ mountainbike ride - The Karapoti.

Made famous by the crazy Kennett Brothers it's 50 km of single trail and four wheel drive tracks through regenerating native bush. It's scenic as hell, but a right brutal bastard on the legs. There's a shit load of up (several sections of which cannot be ridden by mortal men), and heap of down (some of it vitually vertical). Hence the line flying or dying. You're either stuggling up a greasy slope a mere heartbeat from cardiac failure, or plummeting down a trail that seems like it was designed by Satan.

Here's exhibit number one; the rock garden.



Biking down here requires full suspension, nerves of steel, supreme skill, and not quite a full grasp on reality. It's not so much a track as it is a dry waterfall (though I hear in winter it actually is a watercourse).

So once you've bumped, bounced, and flagellated down that little gem you come across exhibit number two; the Devil's Staircase.

.

This picture doesn't do it justice. I couldn't get a decent shot on the really gnarly section as I was balancing my bike on my back while trying to climb what, to all intents and purposes, appeared to be a greasy clay cliff face.

However it's not all masochism in the wilderness. A lot of the track is really superb to ride. However you do need to watch out for the rocks.



Punctures and the Karapoti go together like crime and punishment. It's a fact of life that at some stage you're going to feel a little flat. I managed to get through with just the one today. But I did happen to snap my chain halfway up the third (and last) climb of the day. While I managed to jury rig a repair (thank God for chain breakers and spare links) having a shorter chain complete shagged the settings on my gears. Granny gear was not an option for what had to be the longest and steepest climb I've ever sweated through in my life. I think Hell wil be something like the experience I suffered.

Still this view and the corresponding downhill blast made it all worthwhile.



All in all this little adventure saw me go through 3 protein bars, 3 bottles of Powerade, 1 bike chain, 1 innertube in the space of just under five and a half hours.

Oh and I sweated off about 4kgs in fluid as well.

It was a blast.

Thin Wobbly Tires

While mountainbiking is my first love (apologies to any girlfriends past and present who may be reading this) I also have a lot of time for flirting with road riding.

Call it the other woman if you will.

Anyway while you take you life into your own hands riding through urban Wellington (note to motorists - kindly learn to indicate, give way, and NOT cut corners) it's nice to find a safe, and relatively scenic little ride within minutes of the city centre.

There's a lovely little road that runs from the Ohariu Valley up to Makara and the top end of Karori. I especially like this little gorge area.



Flying through here is a lot of fun. Though it can get a little tense if you run into 4WDs coming the other way (that whole corner cutting driving on the wrong side of the road thing - again!)

Unfortunately it seems some friend(s) of society also consider it a good place to trash stolen cars. If you live in Wellington and have had your 1980's Toyota Corolla sedan pinched then I've got some bad news for you.



Don't you just love the way they ripped everything out of it. Even so far as taking out all the seats (bar the drivers, and taking the wheels just before torching it.

All that energy misdirected on stealing a worthless piece of shit car. Obviously they're not what you'd call criminal geniuses.

Happy Trails

With the return to work beckoning I decided to have a crack at a local mountainbike trail that I previously hadn't tried before. Makara is a lot of fun but I felt it was time for a change.



This little gem is called the Fenceline and runs around the Karori Wildlife Sanctuary. It's a tough wee ride because, if you follow the fence, you follow the line of the hills meaning there are some tough climbs to do. Granny gear is your friend. Though you wouldn't know it from the picture above.



This one however may give you some idea. That climb to the top left is the sort you swallow your pride and walk up. Unless you are truly and extremely fit all you'll achieve from biking up there is a heart attack.



Mind you the view from the top makes it all worthwhile!

The Sweat and Grind of Politics.

Politicians often get a hard time from the public for the amount of work they're seen to do (or not to do as the case may be). Now this is terribly unfair as, courtesy of my Molesworth Mole, I've discovered a place within the precincts of NZ's Parliament where a lot of sweat and hard work takes place.

Here to be precise.




In fact to ease the load they can even stay up to date on latest current events, even as they exercycle their flab away.




And when the work is done they have this to offer them blessed relief from the heat of their labours.



Pretty flash eh? Just another sample of how a small proportion of your taxes are spent.