Lost and Found

This is a copy of a genuine police press release sent to the newsroom I work in. I can't resist posting it. By the by, the police never did say if the owner collected his misplaced "tools".


8 March 2004


Found in a school playground

Found in a Papanui school playground over the weekend (by an adult) in a
black and purple dynamic school bag:

Two leather cat o' nine tails
A leather paddle
Two speculum
Four mouse traps, (not baited)
A jar of Vaseline Intensive care lotion
Kebab skewers
Rubber gloves
A blow up vibrating dildo
A breast engorger
An anal bung
Several lengths of rope

If you think these items belong to you, you may collect them from
Papanui police who will hold them for one week.