The Sweat and Grind of Politics.

Politicians often get a hard time from the public for the amount of work they're seen to do (or not to do as the case may be). Now this is terribly unfair as, courtesy of my Molesworth Mole, I've discovered a place within the precincts of NZ's Parliament where a lot of sweat and hard work takes place.

Here to be precise.




In fact to ease the load they can even stay up to date on latest current events, even as they exercycle their flab away.




And when the work is done they have this to offer them blessed relief from the heat of their labours.



Pretty flash eh? Just another sample of how a small proportion of your taxes are spent.

Something Rotten in the State of Blogger

I haven't been posting of late because of some glitches in Blogger. For some nefarious reason it's decided it won't let me post pictures or create hyperlinks. Sometimes it won't even let me publish.

As soon as things are sorted normal service will resume.

Bad Luck, Good Luck.

OK so it's not a great time to be a Black Cap's fan at the moment. Swinging yorkers and quality offspin seem to be enough to instil a complete menatal breakdown in the batting order. Sorry boys but 73 just doesn't cut it.

When the perennial bovver boy Craig McMillan, not a man known for his reserved, intelligent or cautious approach to batting, top scores with 29 you know your team has serious issues.

So how do we sum up the side at the moment? Embarrassing, laughable, inept? All of the above?

I also note team Captain Stephen Fleming really benefited from his 3 match rest - a five ball duck. At least he had the decency to front up and lambast his side's effort (mind you he'd have looked damned silly if he'd tried to defend it), but strong words simply aren't enough.

Here's a question for you; if you had to choose a Black Cap to bat for your life who would it be? I can honestly say at the moment James Franklin might have to be the one. And isn't that a scary thought?

Either way the Black Caps are going to have to pull finger and do it soon. They're so much better than what they're showing us (even with players like Styris and Oram unavailable because of injury) and if they don't up their game who's going to bother to shell out to see them play. Personally I took more joy out of watching the Ashes Series than I did the Black Caps versus Sri Lanka, and as a Kiwi who's passionate about cricket that's not a good thing.

To put it in perspective could you imaginge Kiwi cricket fans going this far to see their side play?

Right that's the depressing shit out of the way. This next tale is much better though you'd almost have to think someone was pulling your leg. This bloke really needs to be buying a lottery ticket. Imagine having 31 heart attacks in the one ambulance trip and living to tell the tale.

Mind you if he'd been a Black Cap he wouldn't have survived the first one.

Whatever Happened to ...

Remember Tom Wilson?

Actually I'd be surprised if you did. He was the guy who played Biff in the Back to the Future Movies. You know the bully that got his jollies out of beating up on the McFly family. Well those were pretty much the only films he ever did and he disappeared amidst the detritus of Hollywood history.

But then the other day I found this on Youtube:



Not that much of a chip on his shoulder is there?

Absolute Genius.

This is one for all my fellow grinches. Seasons Greetings to you all!



This is part one of three. Please make sure you see the rest.

I shall now disappear and continue my annual practice of evading family Christmnas gatherings and eluding workmates and friends who try to co-opt me into their events on the argument of: "it's not right to be alone at Christmas".

I've got news for you. It's bliss.

Actually I'm sure Mary wasn't to chuffed about having Joseph, three strange bearded astrologers, and a menagerie in attendance when she was giving birth to the Messiah. I bet she woud have preferred a few qualified medical professionals and an epidural as opposed to gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

The Secret Life of Kermit the Frog

I knew his goody good image was too good to be true.

Still Harping On About Christmas.

I was going to write a piece about what might happen if Jesus had been born in our times. However someone much more talented than I beat me to it.

One thing I do know is that Jesus would never make it into a decent nightclub.
"Oi hippy! No sandals, piss off!"

Dear God!

Message boards dedicated to ER specialists are simply the best invention in the world. Seriously.

Yes, you can have sex with your wife in between her contractions. However, the obstetrician is really not going to appreciate it.

If you're bored over the holidays go here. Trust me you will not regret it.

Unless you're the squeamish sort that is.

Merry F**King Xmas

Here's my contribution to the Yuletide spirit.

Dead Santa.

Granddad obviously died playing Santa last year but the family just left him propped up in the corner. Hence the pale, waxy, corpselike appearance. Is it any wonder the child is terrified.

Criminal Santa.

Is it just me or did we see this Santa on Crimewatch the other night? Knocking off a bank? Mugging a granny? Sexually assaulting a small child?

Catch That!

By the time the second cricket test between NZ and Sri Lanka is over the Kiwi Captain, Stephen Fleming, should hold the new record for number of test catches taken by a non-wicket keeper.

Currently he's on 156 catches from 103 tests. Aussie Mark Taylor took 157 in 105 tests

And this would have to have been the best.

Newsflash

I've just learnt something very interesting about the quality control in the national newsroom of one of NZ's largest commercial radio stations.

Apparently it's ok to change quotes from interview subjects to make them that little bit more punchy. As long as the meaning is the same it doesn't matter if the words are changed.

I suspect the people being quoted (or should that be misquoted?) might have a different opinion.

Commercial radio news - the medium where we'll make you say what we thought you should have said.

Money vs Morality

The coup in Fiji has been a farce of epic proportions. Sadly so too has been our Government's handling of the crisis from beginning to end.

Firstly, in an attempt to steal a diplomatic march on Australia, Foreign Minister Winston Peters and Prime Minister Helen Clark involved themselves in clandestine talks with the two main protagonists Fijian Prime Minister Laisenia Qarase and head of the Fijian Military Commodore Voreqe Bainimarama.

Bainimarama was in NZ at the time visiting family and the media knew he had to be meeting Winston Peters. The two are old friends and have been known to spend a convivial night in each others' company (ask the barstaff at the Green Parrot). Yet the Minister's office was a cone of silence when asked what was going on between the two men.

Unfortunately in a fit of Trans-Tasman comradely behaviour our Government was keping Australia's Foreign Minister Alexander Downer in the loop. Mr Downer then gleefully leaked the goings on to the Australian press with the end result of NZ's foreign policy being announced across the ditch. Reportedly Clark was spitting tacks at this.

Clark and Peters then announced they'd managed to set up a meeting between Qarase and Bainimarama. Face to face talks, they trumpeted, could be a way of averting a crisis. Yet behind the scenes the story was very different. They knew Bainimarama was mad as a march hare and any statements he made had about as much value as a bucket of warm spit (this was reinforced by an interview the Commodore gave the day before the meeting in which he said Qarase would have to meet his demands, no ifs, no buts, no maybes). However they had to be placatory in their approach as it was felt being publicly critical of Bainimarama would result in a coup happening sooner rather then later.

Well in that they were borne out to a certain degree. The coup did come later rather than sooner. But it's been remarkably apparent the meeting between Qarase and Bainimarama had little, if any, value. All the NZ Government achieved by its actions was a temporary appeasement.

It's the actions of the Government subsequent to Bainimarama's coup that deserve scrutiny. Helen Clark's decried the Commodore as being deluded and announced a series of sanctions. These include freezing aid, suspending military conections, banning coup instigators from NZ, and a sports ban. However the ban doesn't stop NZ teams from going to Fiji and it doesn't stop the Fijian Rugby sevens side from playing in Wellington in February next year. The reason being given is that the sevens tournament is an international event organised by the IRB and while we could stop the Fijians from entering NZ it would likely result in the event being moved to Australia. That, says Minister of Sports Trevor Mallard, would punish NZ more than it would Fiji.

So on the one hand we have our Government expressing moral outrage at the damage being done to democracy in Fiji, yet on the other hand they're not prepared to back up their stance because it would cost us a rugby tournament.

It would appear the value of democracy in Fiji (such as it was) isn't more precious than a game of rugby. I find that kind of sad.

Why Don't We Get This Here?

TVNZ and TV3 take note and kindly get some of this onto our screens

John and Bill

Well it looks like the National Party's Caucus meeting tomorrow will be a bit of a non-event. The deal's been done and it'll be a John Key/Bill English ticket following Gerry Brownlee pulling out of the Deputy Leadership race earlier today. I look forward to seeing how this partnership works out.

I say this because I know (courtesy of my Molesworth mole) that English had been merrily destabilising both Brash and Key in recent months. His tactic was fairly simple, keep putting out rumours about Key doing the numbers for a coup even when none was being planned. Not only did this undermine Brash it also made Key look indecisive when a leadership challenge failed to eventuate. The most recent example of this was a little over two weeks ago when Brsh was in Europe. On the Friday the Otago Daily Times ran a story about Key doing the numbers over the weekend with the intention of rolling Brash. It turned out to be baseless. An example of the Dipton Drawler pulling the strings of the Political Editor at the ODT.

Now if you were John Key ask yourself this; is this the guy you'd want as your number two?

The strategising that's being going on in the National Party ranks since Brash announced his resignation last Thursday has been fascinating to behold. On Friday, soon to be former Deputy Leader, Gerry Brownlee tipped his intention to retain his position. A move which, on the face of it, seemed surprising to many. In fact it was a deliberate ploy to draw English out and potentially forestall him going for the top job and further widening divisions within the Caucus. It gave him a bargaining chip, or leverage, that could later be used to divert English from making a tilt for the leader's job.

Also amusing has been the way Labour has been treating the whole affair. Some times their Machiavellian approach is beyond belief. When a senior staffer says confidentially the party is more worried about English as National leader than Key you know the opposite is the case. They stuffed English so comprehensively in the 2002 election that to say they fear him is barely credible. John Key, on the other hand, is a reasonably good public speaker (better than either Brash or English), presents far better in the media, and is one of the few National MPs that can hold his own in a general debate with Deputy Prime Minister Dr Michael Cullen (aka Savage Mickey). I look forward to see how he gets on against Helen Clark when Parliament resumes next month.

Finally a few words about the departed Don. Sorry pal I don't buy the whole "I'd been planning to go for several months" schtick. Brownlee can deny it until he's blue in the face but I'm dead sure the story about him giving Brash the hard word last Wednesday is spot on. Brash's injunction on the emails was a bolt from the blue to senior MPs. My Molesworth mole says when he raised the topic in a call with a frontbencher immediately after the announcement, the MP in question was completely taken by surprise. In effect it was simply a case of one gaffe too many for Dr Brash - it proved, or at least seriously indicated, he had something to hide. And that for a Party Leader is a death knell.

Oh, and further to Brash's line on his resignation. His explanation for it being at odds with his previously stated position, that he intended to lead the party to the next election, was that to be open about it would have been destabilising for the party.

So Dr Brash, if you were prepared to deceive on that matter, what else have you not been entirely honest about?

Mystery Solved

I have an answer to my question of yesterday. It seems Mr Iosefa has got a new job.

Wazzup?

Ok what's going on here? I checked the search stat's for the blog today and noticed there's been a heap of people checking my blog who want to know about the past of Christchurch lawyer Leuatea Peseta Iosefa. Particularly this post which I blogged back in April of last year.

40 hits in just a few days .... what are you people up to?

For the record he's a competent and efficient lawyer who just happened to make a mistake. Not an incident to be proud of, but hey the guy's human like the rest of us.

The Shortest Story.

The crew at Wired Magazine have come up with a wonderful competition which, fortunately, a number of fairly well known authors have taken to heart.

The concept, which I believe was inspired by Ernest Hemingway, is to write a complete story in just six words.

Here's what they came up with.

My personal favourites are as follows:

Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time
- Alan Moore

Longed for him. Got him. Shit.
- Margaret Atwood

Husband, transgenic mistress; wife: “You cow!”
- Paul Di Filippo

Don’t marry her. Buy a house.
- Stephen R. Donaldson

Heaven falls. Details at eleven.
- Robert Jordan

Dorothy: "Fuck it, I'll stay here."
- Steven Meretzky

However it'd be wrong of me to post all their genius with out having a crack myself. So for what it's worth here's my effort.

Time stood still, nothing much happened.
- Randominanity

What can you come up with?

I knew I was Special.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

However there are 60 Wayne Kerrs. Which is a bit of a surprise as I was expecting more.

There are no Hugh Jarse's either. Again a surprise given the obesity epidemic in the USA. However I am reliably informed that there is at least one Hugh Janus.

Why Ian Wishart is a Hypocritical Twat.

Now I'm not normally one to lay criticism at another journalist's door, but just this once I'm going to make an exception.



Recently Mr Wishart gained a lot of attention in his Smoking Gun issue of his Investigate Magazine. It titillated and promised undisclosed juicy details about Peter Davis, the husband of Prime Minister Helen Clark.


In the magazine was a picture of Peter Davis being embraced by an unidentified man. Who was this man Mr Wishart demanded, and what did it all mean. Needless to say the connotations centred very much on whether or not Mr Davis was gay and it sparked a media frenzy.

Dramatic eh!

It would be a fair enough evaluation to say Ian Wishart, by his approach was probing into the personal life of a public figure. Unequivocal in fact.

So why am I maintaining Mr Wishart is a hypocrite?

Well the other day I came across a very old copy of Investigate Magazine, one of the very early ones in fact. For those who are curious I refer you to the issue released in July of 2000 and recommend you look at an op-ed piece written by Mr Wishart on page 79. Actually as it's probably reasonably hard to find I'll transcribe the full article here for your edification.

Sex, drugs, a horse, and a teenager. IAN WISHART wants to know whether the media realise they're in a glass house.

Sex sells. And nowhere more so than on the desk of some bored news editor whose own life is so tedious they have to get their titillation from writing about other people's pecadilloes.

So what if Mark Todd uses cocaine? If the Sunday Mirror had revealed that his horse had snorted the Colombian marching dust I'd probably be more concerned, but I can't just get excited about Todd's personal habits, if any.

In my career as a radio/TV/print journalistI have seen so many of my colleagues stoned, drunk or both in varying stages of moral decay. I don't need to name names. They know who they are.

Narcotics are not something I've ever wanted to indulge in - apart from a brief fling with marijuana as a 20 year old radio reporter, which I quit because I felt it was fuzzing my short term memory.

But my fellow journalists not only went with dope, they progressively got stuck into harder narcotics like speed, ecstasy, cocaine, and even heroin.

In some places I worked, the sight of manic reporters with horribly glazed eyes and sinus problems was one of the amusing highlights of my day.

Hell, at Radio Hauraki in 1984 I came to work one day only to find that half of my fellow employees had been picked up in a dawn raid by police investigating a cocaine ring - the same investigation that saw a National MP left untouched by police because arresting the MP would have upset the Muldoon Government's one seat majority and caused a snap election.

Now in the latter case had Iknown of the the MP's involvement at the time I would have run it as a news story for obvious reasons - but not simply because the MP was using cocaine. The only news value in the story for me was that police allowed political pressure to influence their judgement.

And so back to Mark Todd. I, and I'm sure most New Zealanders, don't want to know what he does in his spare time or who he does it with. The only legitimate news value in the Mirror story was whether or not any alleged drug taking would affect Todd's equestrian performance.

As for the Dover Samuels affair, spare me! Regardless of wheter he showed stupidity in getting involved with a teenage girl, unless it is shown that she was underage then he has done nothing illegal, no matter how much any of us may find it repugnant.

For the Prime Minister to sack him, before all the evidence is in and without allowing due process to be followed, shows how hollow the Government's words are on our employment law - any employment lawyer worth his salt would have a field day with this on a personal grievance/unjustified dismissal basis.

Given that some MPs have paid out sums of $90,000 or more to extortionists to cover up sexual misdeeds, one wonders how long before the lid blows on that one.

Again the news value is not the sex, it is the fact that some of our MPs have been compromised and could be blackmailed into committing treason or corruption.

It is time for the media to watch the ball, not the balls.

Investigate Magazine,
July 2000.

Pot, kettle, black. Utter hypocrisy wouldn't you agree?

Actually what is more disturbing is what is written in paragraph 12. The allegation that some MP's have paid hush money to cover up their sexual misdeeds. Does this ring any bells for anyone? Have you heard something very similar recently? For example, private investigators hired by the Exclusive Brethren.

Now Mr Wishart has categorically denied having anything to do with the Brethren or the private investigators and maintains they've had no role in stories (you'll have to search his blog for specifics) he's run about Dunedin based Labour Cabinet Ministers David Benson-Pope and David Parker. But coincidentally one of the private investigators contracted by the Exclusive Brethren, Mr Wayne Idour, also lives in Dunedin.

Maybe it's just happenstance, maybe the PI's have based their stories on old Investigate stories, maybe they and Mr Wishart have been digging in the same areas ... I don't know for sure. But something certainly smells here.

Seafest

This is an annual food festival held at the, now trendy, town of Kaikoura on the South Island's east coast. From small beginnings it's turned into a major event. When I first went (more years ago than I care to remember) there were only about 1200 people there and only a bare handful of stalls. Now they have to restrict tickets to 6000 and there's around 50 different outlets selling a wide variety of food an alcohol.

All in all it's a good day out. Though you have to choose the year you go pretty carefully. For a while every second Seafest was a wet one, creating the tag mudfest for the exceptionally slushy years. Fortunately this year was in the dry cycle.

Word of advice to those who intend to go next year. Any beverage called Liquid Fire, which involves vodka and tequila laced with chilli, will be like drinking a bonfire. The problem is it's just as hot (if not hotter) on the way out as many blokes at the urinal's discovered. To see a bloke going crosseyed, wincing in pain, muttering "cor, bloody hell" while having a pee is a sight to behold.



Oh and a word of advice for the organisers .... more toilets next year please! Somewhere up in the distance in the photo above you will see a glimpse of an orange portaloo. Suffice it to say many of the female patrons were not best impressed at the wait. (Lots of crossed legs and expressions of extreme concentration)