Sudden Impact

So there I am having a quiet moment at home after a frantic week of chasing politicians and 15 hour days and all of a sudden there's this almighty crash from outside.

I look out the window and, lo and behold, the demon intersection has struck again.



It's kind of a regular occurrence. People trying to get onto the motorway are forever running the lights and coming of second best. As this businessman has now learnt.



Still it keeps the local panel beaters and emergency services gainfully employed.



For what it's worth no-one was seriously hurt.

We Prefer Our Staff Clothed.

Apparently they do.

It's a bit of a worry that the employees need reminding though.

Tax Cut Theory

Just a theory based on a bit of random supposition - feel free to explode it if you like.

But ....

If National's looking at ways of covering the cost of its tax cuts package and alterations to KiwiSaver are in the mix, then what's the chance of the $1000 Government kick-start contribution being the part they alter??

Logically the employer tax credits are unlikely to be in the mix. Targeting that would seriously piss off employers and the business community which, lets face it, are a National Party constituency.

So far over 800,000 workers are signed up to KiwiSaver and have claimed the $1000 contribution. That's 800 million dollars. Now looking at the Department of Statistics workforce figures they say there are over 2.1 million people in the workforce. On that basis there are around 1.3 million workers left that potentially could sign up to KiwiSaver.

So ... if National removes the kick-start contribution it has $1.3 billion dollars of previously committed money it can set aside for its tax package.

And there is a way they can sell it too. If a tax cut is $50 a week then the one off $1000 payment that would have been in KiwiSaver is covered in 20 weeks, and the tax break accrued every extra week becomes an added bonus as far as the taxpayer is concerned. Potentially money that can be saved for retirement.

As I say it's just a thought and it probably has holes you could drive a truck through.

Grandiose Delusions

When it comes to the relationship between bloggers and journalist I notice some bloggers seem to think that journalists feel threatened by them. In their view they think reporters see bloggers as competition in efforts to communicate with the public. Based on that the bloggers assume reporters hold some antipathy towards then and are "out to get them" - as it were. Some even believe journalists refuse to follow stories published by bloggers because they're part of a system designed to suppress information and stop the real truth being told.

Now far from it be for me to prick this little conspiracy bubble, but, it's a complete load of crap.

The reason journalists largely ignore the efforts of bloggers is because most of the time the said efforts are complete shit. Generally the research is lacking, fact checking non-existent, and understanding of defamation laws completely absent. Suppression orders are rarely understood, and the rules of court reporting escape them completely.

Basically most bloggers have little, or no, understanding of the rules and ethics that professional journalist follow. And, generally, it shows in the work they do.

And don't even get me started on the ones that subsist by ripping off screeds of work done by working reporters and then adding on a comment or two and passing it off as some work of creativity.

That isn't writing, it's plagiarism and it has no merit whatsoever.

Now I realise I'm being a bit tough on bloggers (which is a bit unusual given I sort of am one myself) but I don't hate them all. There are some true creative geniuses out there who are responsible for some very fine work which I have enjoyed, and will continue to enjoy.

It's just the wingnut, conspiracy addled, defamatory, fuck-knuckles that I can't stand. They know who they are.

Stop Bloody Cribbing John

In his closing speech to Parliament today John Key was quoted thusly;

Mr Key says Labour's a walkman in an iPod world.However he says the walkman batteries have gone flat and the music's stopped playing.

Now normally I wouldn't have a problem with this as it's not a bad metaphor. A little glib maybe, but not a bad turn of phrase.

Except ....

In 2006, in his adjournment speech to Parliament shortly after taking the National Party leadership, John Key said this:

As we saw from Michael Cullen's speech, their days are numbered. They are a Walkman Government in an iPod world. They are dinosaurs, that is what they are. They are gone. That member does not know what an iPod is, that is the problem. He should plug it into his ears.

C'mon John, how hard is it to come up with some new material??? I mean, given recent events, there's been some A-grade material to poke fun at.

The Truth Hurts

Visit this guy. His stuff is fantastic.

And, if the whole credit crunch/sub-prime mortgage crisis has you confused then I strongly suggest you visit here. It's international finance made easy.

How Not to Market

A small word of advice to Investigate Editor Ian Wishart.

If you're touting for business and trying to get paying subscribers to sign up to your online publication try checking exactly who you're sending the email to.

I can't see many journalists signing up after reading this little missive which forms part of the email. And believe me I know I'm not the only one that got it.

I would make the point that if you believe New Zealand needs an independent media voice, then please support us. A columnist in one of the British papers yesterday made the point that democracy in the West is effectively dead because of the liberal-left stranglehold on the media – so many newsrooms are staffed by liberals that no matter which political party takes power, unless they meet the demands of the left wing media they are effectively dog tucker after a while.

Mr Wishart, I know you only by reputation and you certainly don't know me or my politics. So can you kindly take your sweeping generalisations and stick them up your arse.

And You Thought You Were Having a Bad Day...

No sound - it really doesn't need any

Ultimate Nut Bust | Viral | SPIKE.com

Rhyme Time

I've come to the conclusion most political stories/scandals can be summed up in terms of childrens' playground rhymes.

For example:

The Winston Peters/NZ First funding scandal.

"Liar, liar. Your pants are on fire."

The tiff on who can we trust between Labour and National. John Key and his Tranzrail shares vs Helen Clark not letting on about her knowledge of Winston Peters' funding arrangements.

"I know you are, you said you are. But what am I?"

Politically Incorrect Joke of the Week

A bloke goes into a bar and says to the bartender "I'd like a Winston Peters".
The bartender's perplexed having never heard of such a drink before.
"Come again? What was it you were wanting?"
"A Winston Peters" says the customer.
"Look" says the bartender, "I'm sorry I have no idea what that is"
To which the customer replies, "A Lion Brown".

[with apologies to the office of the race relations conciliator]

Game Time

OK things are set to be very hectic over the next couple of months as I gallivant all over the country chasing politicians in the build up to the election.

Depending on how riveting it is (and if there's any decent goss') I may post on it from time to time. Though I suspect work commitments will be the over-riding priority.

It'll definitely mean no time for exercise which will be real bummer as Wellington's weather seems to have turned the corner. Today was just the perfect day to do this. Not a long ride, but has a couple of hefty hills, and I must be getting fit as for once I was actually overtaking people on the climbs.

Not bad for a dirty smoker.

Billboards

A Quick Prediction

Based on Owen Glenn's testimony today and comments subsequently made by the Prime Minister here's how I think the rest of the week will play out.

Winston Peters will give his evidence tomorrow night.

Helen Clark will consider it.

And on Thursday, or Friday at the latest, Winston Peters will be ....



And why do I say this?

Well the Emissions Trading Scheme, for which the Government needs and has NZ First's support, is set to pass tomorrow night before Winston Peters Privileges Committee hearing is due to finish.

The Government has its keynote law in the bag. The PM can give Mr Peters the right of reply and observe due process.

Then she can give him the boot.

It Really Ought to Happen to Someone Else

When you're a bloke you tend to go through much of your life under the impression that you are indestructible. It's about the time you pass 30 that you start to find out this assumption no longer stacks up as much as one would like it to.

For example; any medical issues relating to the lower gastrointestinal tract are supposed to be solely reserved for the drooling, wrinkly geriatrics in the over 50 age group. The whole concept of something going wrong "down there" is, generally, so far removed from any conscious thought that it might as well not exist.

Which means when such a problem does crop up it can come as a rude shock - in every sense of the word.

Take it from me there is nothing quite as disconcerting as having to undergo a medical procedure that involves a TV camera entering one's body via orifices a TV camera was plainly never meant to go. It's even more disturbing when one finds out after the procedure that the sedation was supposed to have been such that recall of the event should have been impossible.

In my case it wasn't.

And you can take it from me seeing and feeling sections of your lower intestine being biopsied is not something you need, or want, to remember.

BTW the nurses are bloody fantastic but all those fantasies about potential romantic entanglements go right out the window.

It's hard enough looking them in the eye after they've helped ram a camera up you nether regions. Hitting on them is simply right out of the question

Now to finish on a lighter note.

The Evolution of Winston.

(or a three line political history)

1993 - THE GREAT REDEEMER

1996-99 - THE GREAT PRETENDER

2008 - THE GREAT DECEIVER??

Doublespeak, Evasions, Fibs, and Downright Lies.

I'm talking about you Mr Peters.

Administrative error my arse!

Things That Piss Me Off

Number 1 (in a series of hundreds)

- companies that put out video press releases instead of fronting for interviews.
Cadbury NZ you can fuck right off!

- media outlets that use said video press releases (you know who you are)

- wingnuts that think New Zealand First Leader Winston Peters deliberately put himself in a position where he could be investigated by the Privileges Committee and the Serious Fraud Office just so he could play the underdog and then, hey presto, pull the rug out from everyone's feet and prove he was in the right all along.
Seriously, do you think anyone (particularly a politician in election year) wants to be in a position where they might be perceived as being a duplicitous and fraudulent S.O.B??

But on the positive side ....

Apparently I'm part of dark influence on New Zealand politics and part of a hidden agenda to destroy a political party.

How cool is that???

Though I must say being a dark influence doesn't pay that well and if there's a pot of money on offer I'm buggered if I've heard of it (let alone seen it)

PS I know I've not been blogging a lot. Truth be told I can't be arsed.

Pain

It started with a slight itch behind a wisdom tooth. The itch became became a burning feeling. Just a tiny ulcer was my thought, a salt water gargle and all will be well.

The burning became a dull throbbing pain and I steeled myself to look inside my mouth. A bit puffy, definitely red - not good.

Decision time. To see the dentist or to tough it out? Do I confront my phobia about being poked, prodded, injected, and (God forbid) suffering an extraction from a masked and white coated sadist? Or do I hang on, swig copious amounts of whiskey, and hope like hell things sort themselves out?

Deliberation. Prevarication. More pain, in fact lots more pain. Sod it, the dentist it is then.

Scene: A Dentist's Surgery

Dentist: Hmmm, been a while since you had your teeth checked eh?

Me (with mouth full of dental torture implements): mmph itf bin abouf hore yers ( it's been about four years).

Dentist: That doesn't look good (translation - this is going to cost you a packet boyo)

Me: ogh hulloghs (oh bollocks)

Dentist: Yep, an abscess behind your wisdom tooth. Looks like I might have to pull it (kaching there's a quick $400)

Me: aarggh, ho uerkin ay unhine (no fucking way sunshine)

Dentist: Was that a no? (please let me use the pliers)

Me (spitting out aforementioned instruments of pain): Damn straight, I want drugs. Lots of drugs.

Dentist: Well that is an option (a cheap one that won't help me repay my 100k student loan you tight bastard!)

Me: perfect.

Dentist: But first just let me do this .....

Me: Wait, no, gerroff, oh you absolute c**t!!

Yes dear readers to cure an abscess it seems lancing and iodine are required. So too are antibiotics but not, so it would seem, any decent painkillers.

When your jaw is swollen up like a pumpkin, it's leaking blood and pus, and is getting regular swills of antiseptic wash .... well .... let me just say Nurofen doesn't quite cut it.

Accidental Policy

Here's an interesting theory for you; what if the immigration rant from New Zealand First last month was a balls up in a way you would never expect?

What if Peter Brown's position on future Asian population figures was never supposed to happen?

It requires one hell of a suspension of belief but the weird thing is the theory might just have some legs.

Let me explain. It involves a convergence of different events occurring within the party.

The thing is in recent months NZ First has seen some pretty significant changes within its Leader's Office. The main one being the departure of Winston Peters SPS Graham Harding and the retirement of Ernie Davis. That left a pretty large hole that needed to be filled quick smart. Because the party needed someone with campaign experience it saw the return of one Frank Perry. Now Frank was a stalwart press secretary for New Zealand First during the 1990's and earlier this decade and we all know what that period was famous for as far as immigration and Asians are concerned?

Don't we?

So here's the scenario as it's been explained to me by someone who is in a position to know. Frank Perry saw the figures in the Department of Statistics release and automatically treated them the way he always had. He saw the immigration angle, pumped it for all it was worth, and sent out the release with Peter Brown's name on it. We all know what happened next.

Ok, that's one part of the theory. Part two is the contradictory statements made by New Zealand First MP Dail Jones who pretty much immediately defended Asian immigrants and the role they have in New Zealand. He made a speech to that effect in the house and then went around the Press Gallery the next day handing out copies of it. If New Zealand First had deliberately chosen to play the race card why was one of its MPs (and a former Party President) challenging it?

To me it suggests they had no policy whatsoever, or even a tacit strategy not to use immigration as an issue this election. Or at least not yet.

Here comes the next part of my theory - The China Free Trade Deal.

New Zealand First opposed the deal on the basis it wasn't good enough. If you look at the arguments put forward by Peters they were based on economics, trade, timing of tariff reductions, and dealing with a low wage economy. You'll note immigration and the labour clause, while mentioned, was pretty much skipped over. It'd be fair to assess New Zealand First as choosing to oppose the FTA on dollars, not race. At least that was the position Peters seemed to take.

Now if we take this at face value (and given the Party had predetermined its stand on the FTA some time in advance we almost have to) wouldn't deliberately embarking on an Asian immigration bashing crusade just a week or so previously seriously undercut the arguments they'd later make against the FTA?

Consistency might not be Winston's strongest point but he's not a political idiot.

The immigration statements from Peter Brown got the party labelled as racist, and that perception carried over to its stand on the FTA. Winston Peters is savvy enough a political operator that you can bet your life he would have moved heaven and earth to avoid such a situation.

Cartoon of the Day.