It Really Ought to Happen to Someone Else

When you're a bloke you tend to go through much of your life under the impression that you are indestructible. It's about the time you pass 30 that you start to find out this assumption no longer stacks up as much as one would like it to.

For example; any medical issues relating to the lower gastrointestinal tract are supposed to be solely reserved for the drooling, wrinkly geriatrics in the over 50 age group. The whole concept of something going wrong "down there" is, generally, so far removed from any conscious thought that it might as well not exist.

Which means when such a problem does crop up it can come as a rude shock - in every sense of the word.

Take it from me there is nothing quite as disconcerting as having to undergo a medical procedure that involves a TV camera entering one's body via orifices a TV camera was plainly never meant to go. It's even more disturbing when one finds out after the procedure that the sedation was supposed to have been such that recall of the event should have been impossible.

In my case it wasn't.

And you can take it from me seeing and feeling sections of your lower intestine being biopsied is not something you need, or want, to remember.

BTW the nurses are bloody fantastic but all those fantasies about potential romantic entanglements go right out the window.

It's hard enough looking them in the eye after they've helped ram a camera up you nether regions. Hitting on them is simply right out of the question

Now to finish on a lighter note.

How RNZ Broke the Muliaga Story

I've just figured out how RNZ got the scoop of the year.

I'd been wondering why the name of the Muliaga family spokesman, Brenden Sheehan, was so familiar. The fact he was a unionist was well known but what I'd forgotten was that his union represents RNZ. It turns out I've even blogged about him before.

What's a Human Life Worth?

Apparently it's about $168.40.

A Funny Thing Happened

The last time I experienced the whole drama of body changes was during puberty about 20 years ago. That's something I don't want to go into right now and it had been an event, once over, that I thought meant life would be all plain sailing from then on.

Oh how wrong I was.

You see the powers that be are more than happy to warn us about puberty and sexual maturation. Hell there are even books published about it for God's sake! However there seems to be a distinct reticence to be quite as informative about all the weird shit that happens to you after you turn 30. I want to know where the book is about the way a man's hair leaves his head and heads for his back after he turns 29. Is it next to the one that tells of the advent of grey pubic hair? (who knew that happened?!)

I only raise this because the other day I thought I'd come across one of these terrible aging symptoms afflicting me. Just after jumping out of the shower I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it went something like this.

"What the fuck! ... man breasts. Uuurgh. Where the hell did they come from?"

But fear not dear readers, it turns out I was grossly mistaken.

Over the past two months I've been exercising more often than I ever have before and this includes daily visits to the gym. Now I've managed to avoid gyms for all of my life thanks to a solid aversion to lycra, muscle bunnies, personal trainers, and exercise Nazis. So is it any wonder I have no idea of what some of the consequences of regular exercise are?

It turns out I have pectoral muscles.

Who would have thunk it?

More from the ER

In line with what I put up a few weeks ago here's another little medical gem for you.

Yes, you can have sex with your 28 week pregnant girlfriend who is hospitalized for pregnancy induced hypertension, but don't be surprised if her blood pressure goes through the roof and she needs a stat C-section.

Sometimes you have to wonder.